Socializing with the Right People is the Strongest Painkiller
The wrong ones will amplify misery
I did an FMT treatment this week, which meant inevitable pain this weekend. These treatments, and many others, cause herxheimer reactions; also known as a “healing crisis” — a temporary worsening of symptoms thanks to the endotoxins released in the body when pathogens are killed. Though it’s a “good” pain, an indication of the pathogen dying, it means you first have to get far worse to get better.
Herxes manifest differently with different people. For me, herxing primarily presents as severe, profound, radiating muscle pain, with generous heapings of fever, crushing fatigue, headaches, and bloating on the side. The muscle pain is so deep it feels like all my bones are broken — like I was in a car accident that completely mangled my entire body. I describe it as feeling like I’ve been hit by a semi, and I don’t think people realize how literal I’m being with that description. It sounds hyperbolic, but that is precisely what a herx feels like for me — like an 18-wheeler hit me going full speed and then backed over me a few times for good measure.
So since the onset of my illness, I’ve had to make my peace with becoming a flake. Pre-illness, I was A-type, people-pleasing, dependable. I often forced myself to attend things out of obligation and duty when I…
